tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post5619316377440707269..comments2012-11-17T18:13:41.561-05:00Comments on Fighting Cibophobia with Omnivora: Playing With Chickens ~ A Memoir - Rough DraftVorousmorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07810453968791491961noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-45264161618521474452012-10-02T15:21:33.925-04:002012-10-02T15:21:33.925-04:00Maybe if you decide you want to come eat my mom&#...Maybe if you decide you want to come eat my mom's food you can request her chicken tikka masala (yes, she takes requests too). I don't like it (it's too spicy for me), but you probably would. My dad and my brother absolutely love the stuff. <br />I really liked something you said in class, about how no matter where you were it was the food that made the place home. I think the exact words you used were "gypsy home." I LOVE THIS IDEA. You might even take that and run with it, thinking about how you took the dishes he taught you to other places you went (e.g., college), and whether or not the food makes wherever you are home even though your dad isn't there to share it with you. rworrellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09526452300426595475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-6208863065568233152012-10-02T00:26:43.553-04:002012-10-02T00:26:43.553-04:00That confusion is typical for my writing. I'l...That confusion is typical for my writing. I'll bring my red proverbial pen!<br />Thanks for taking the time to look at the pictures. Sometimes words fail, and they're important memories to me.Vorousmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810453968791491961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-86046700112261519282012-10-02T00:25:09.872-04:002012-10-02T00:25:09.872-04:00I would love to learn how to make my writing more ...I would love to learn how to make my writing more punny. Humor isn't my strong suit. Let's brainstorm!<br />Thanks for the kind comments.Vorousmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810453968791491961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-19304392501003589342012-10-02T00:23:47.687-04:002012-10-02T00:23:47.687-04:00Thanks for the heads up. I always manage little s...Thanks for the heads up. I always manage little silly mistakes like that. Looking forward to hearing ideas on how to make my windiness more coherent.Vorousmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810453968791491961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-62150232195193637192012-10-01T17:10:43.452-04:002012-10-01T17:10:43.452-04:00McKenna,
I love your voice in this piece! Chicken ...McKenna,<br />I love your voice in this piece! Chicken is so symbolic of your family's dynamic, not only between you and your dad, and I think you illustrate that really well!<br /><br />Like Taylor, I think you may want to take a peek at your sentence structure. I'm sure many of your phrases were structured stylistically, but I found myself slightly confused at some points. It might be helpful to examine the structure of each sentence and see if you can simplify it at all. <br /><br />I love the pictures you attached in the next post! It's so nice to see things illustrated sometimes!kelseydonkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08890139082702666433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-47522612934490212152012-10-01T16:39:32.481-04:002012-10-01T16:39:32.481-04:00Mckenna,
I really loved how you equated yourself w...Mckenna,<br />I really loved how you equated yourself with food! I thought it was especially powerful when you were talking about chicken heart and said "maybe you are what you eat" after all. I thought it evoked a lot of emotion and showed your feelings about the situation you were dealing with.<br /><br />I also loved that you chose one central piece to focus on. Using chicken as a gateway to a thousand different things. It allowed you to touch on multiple memories without being too random or jumpy.<br /><br />On thing I would consider revising is some of the sentence structure you use. It can make it fragmented and hard to read. I sometimes feel like you're talking about an inside joke that I'm not a part of or something.<br /><br />Overall I thought your piece was very thoughtful and thought provoking!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00715528260727247039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-57861527697432608312012-10-01T15:07:05.334-04:002012-10-01T15:07:05.334-04:00Great piece McKenna! I love the storyline after al...Great piece McKenna! I love the storyline after all the dishes that your father has taught you. Also, your wonderful descriptions of the dishes bring out a lot of the senses... I find that very difficult to do. One thing you might want to do is to go in detail and contrast your life in Michigan to New York. Thats just an idea though, great work!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01465596743436065996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-37172514142384555422012-10-01T11:50:35.013-04:002012-10-01T11:50:35.013-04:00Your paragraph on chicken masala is making dangero...Your paragraph on chicken masala is making dangerously hungry.<br /><br />I like how you tell us the importance of chicken in your family dynamics, but then you show it too through your experiences and your memories associated with specific dishes. I also how you bring up the Belgium pancakes in the beginning, then bring it back so it remains relevant throughout your memoir (as well as bringing the focus back to chicken):<br /><br />"If I had gone downstairs to make myself a second helping, I wouldn't have gotten to learn how to make Belgium Pancakes at the very least. I still can't make a crepe to this day without checking for burn marks in the Red John pattern, just in case it's a sign, and I still leave the Pancakes to my father. I stick to his chicken recipes."<br /><br />Also, as you know McKenna, I love puns. I think you can tweak this sentence into something hilarious:<br />"As someone who at the time couldn't find it in her heart to like liver (although I tried), I was amazed to find an adoration in the texture and flavors of chicken hearts."Colin Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01731981716739473818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-75578633587020357802012-09-30T22:23:18.744-04:002012-09-30T22:23:18.744-04:00Very personal. I like how each different chicken d...Very personal. I like how each different chicken dish had a separate aspect of your father and your relationship attached to it. I also like how all the foods are very different. Overall, very interesting and insightful pieces.Kelsey Baakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13651288231939387993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4120648772467842131.post-57476864425203505802012-09-30T21:20:58.855-04:002012-09-30T21:20:58.855-04:00McKenna! There's so much life in food. I love ...McKenna! There's so much life in food. I love how you tie you and your dad together through these recipes that he swears by. This is a winding story and covers a lot of ground. At one point you use flower instead of flour, just a heads up. All of these memoirs are making me hungry....Your memoir really depicts a not easy, but delicious life that you've had. I can't believe that about the robber! Thanks for sharing. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04465058231775042494noreply@blogger.com